Dear Carol.
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Dear Carol,
I've been going to parties where there is drinking. I don't want to drink, but I don't know Don't know (DK, DKed)
"Don't know the trade." A Street expression used whenever one party lacks knowledge of a trade or receives conflicting instructions from the other party. what to say when people offer me alcohol.
Too Much Peer Pressure
Dear Too Much,
Here are three things you could say: 1. "No, but thanks." 2. "I don't like the taste." 3. "It gives me a headache." No one who cares about you will like you more if you drink. Amazing a·maze
v. a·mazed, a·maz·ing, a·maz·es
v.tr.
1. To affect with great wonder; astonish. See Synonyms at surprise.
2. Obsolete To bewilder; perplex.
v.intr. but true. In tact, lots of kids will admire you lot not drinking. And some would worry if you were to get drunk to become intoxicated.
See also: Get . So, just casually and comfortably be line with club soda. You're smart, and you're not alone. I receive lots of letters like yours.
Dear Carol,
None Of my boyfriends ever take me seriously or trust me because I'm a "big flirt." What should I do?
Flirt
Dear Flirt,
Should you tone down the flirting? Being overly flirtatious flir·ta·tious
adj.
1. Given to flirting.
2. Full of playful allure: a flirtatious glance.
flir·ta can get you a reputation and put off the guy you like most. Actions have consequences, so figure out how you can have fun flirting a little--without giving guys mixed signals.
Dear Carol,
I am a twin, and my twin sis is my best friend--I do everything with her. I love her, but it's hard to be my self and have my own friends. How can I be just me?
Not Just A Twin
Dear Not Just a Twin,
Your mixed feelings are 100-percent natural. Your twin sister might occasionally wish for a little independence too, while also recognizing how great it is to have a built-in BFF BFF Best Friends Forever (chat)
BFF Best Foot Forward
BFF Ben Folds Five (band)
BFF Born Free Foundation
BFF Binary File Format
BFF Boston Film Festival
BFF Biotech Finance Forum (and someone to swap clothes, makeup and earrings). Can you and your twin talk about this? It's not a betrayal to figure out who you are and make separate friends. Can you two get different jobs, paid or volunteer? Or babysit for different families? At school, join separate sports or clubs. Think about your strengths and interests, and how you and your twin aren't alike. Being a twin is great but does come with extra challenges.
Dear Carol,
My friend got suspended because she plagiarized pla·gia·rize
v. pla·gia·rized, pla·gia·riz·ing, pla·gia·riz·es
v.tr.
1. To use and pass off (the ideas or writings of another) as one's own.
2. stuff from the Internet. The thing is, I don't think she even realized that it's wrong. What do you think?
Confused
Dear Confused,
Many kids are unclear about what's cheating and what isn't. Too many students think that if you type "Harriet Tubman" into a search engine, you can just do a cut-and-paste job A cut-and-paste job is a form of attack on a perceived opponent in some public controversy. It consists of selectively quoting the opponent's words, out of context, and/or in misleading juxtaposition to each other in order to leave the impression that the subject has said something that and call it your history paper. Wrong. While it's line to do research online, it's essential to do your own writing and cite sources. I'm sorry your friend learned about academic integrity the hard way. Plagiarism--copying someone else's writing word for word--whether from a textbook or off a Web page, is flat-out wrong!
Dear Carol,
My BFF has been wearing really tiny skirts, and I swear you can always see her butt from the back. She says she can wear what she wants, but I say she's sending the wrong message. She used to hate seeing girls in too-short skirts!
Message Reader
Dear Message Reader,
People can and do judge others by how they dress, and every day we choose how to present ourselves. Can your friend wear whatever she wants? Yes, if it's OK with her parents. Unless she wants to change, you probably can't give her a makeover. But you can say something to her about it. Is she flipping through a magazine and raving about a microscopic skirt? Point out that she used to make fun of skirts that short. Maybe she'll change. Or maybe your friendship will change. For now, it's great that you're not whispering about her but, instead, talking to Noun 1. talking to - a lengthy rebuke; "a good lecture was my father's idea of discipline"; "the teacher gave him a talking to"
lecture, speech
rebuke, reprehension, reprimand, reproof, reproval - an act or expression of criticism and censure; "he had to her.
Dear Carol,
I was really close to my grandma. But when my grandpa died, she went and got married almost right away. I'm rally mad. What should I do?
Runaway Grandma
Dear Runaway Grandma,
I'm sorry your grandfather died, but find it in your heart to realize your grandmother was lonely and was lucky enough to find love again. Just as your grandma isn't betraying her late husband by remarrying, you would not betray your granddad by befriending this new relative. I rope you can find something likeable like·a·ble
adj.
Variant of likable.
Adj. 1. likeable - (of characters in literature or drama) evoking empathic or sympathetic feelings; "the sympathetic characters in the play"
likable, appealing, sympathetic about your new step-grandfather.
Dear Carol,
A lot of people think I'm annoying and don't like me for who I am. I have my own style, and nobody can change that! How can I convince them I'm just being myself? Also, whenever people get mad at me, I don't really know how to handle it. usually cry for a while, then just avoid them until they talk to me.
Contused con·tuse
tr.v. con·tused, con·tus·ing, con·tus·es
To injure without breaking the skin; bruise.
[Middle English contusen, from Latin contundere
Dear Confused,
I'm all for individuality, but rather than trying to convince people you're just being yourself, figure out how to be your best self without alienating others. Is there something specific you do that rubs people the wrong way? Something you can change without compromising your values? For instance, if you tend to interrupt or come on too strong, work on that. Relax, and ask thoughtful questions ("How was your weekend?" "Have you seen Chasing Liberty?" "How'd the game go?"). Be friendly to different girls and guys. As for anger, if you're in the right, defend yourself ... calmly. Say, "I'm not sure why you're mad at me, but I'd like to talk about it." If, however, you know precisely why someone is angry (you stood her up or spread a rumor), instead of hiding, say. "I understand why you're upset. I don't blame you, and I'm really sorry."
Dear Carol,
I've always been a perfectionist but, recently, it's gotten pretty bad. I am a freshman, and I have freakishly freak·ish
adj.
1. Markedly unusual or abnormal; strange: freakish weather; a freakish combination of styles.
2. Relating to or being a freak: a freakish extra toe. perfect grades, I slave ridiculously over homework, often staying up far later than should. I also overload myself with an insane amount of extracurriculars, like swim team and piano. This situation is completely self-inflicted, because my parents don't ever push me to do anything I am just a competitive overachiever o·ver·a·chieve
intr.v. o·ver·a·chieved, o·ver·a·chiev·ing, o·ver·a·chieves
To perform better or achieve more success than expected.
o . My family doesn't think I need professional help, but how can I get
Stressed Out
Dear Stressed Out,
Hmm, rather than getting control of yourself, I hope you can loosen the reins a bit. Your goal, after all, shouldn't be perfection, but to feel happy and balanced--to do good things but still be good to yourself. As for getting professional help, therapy often works best on people who are young, bright, motivated and articulate, and you don't have to be in crisis to benefit from it. If your school has a psychologist, guidance counselor guidance counselor Child psychology A school worker trained to screen, evaluate and advise students on career and academic matters or health teacher, talk to that person or ask for a referral. Meantime, give yourself the "homework" of scheduling fun times with friends and catching up on sleep. Think about dropping the extracurricular activity you enjoy least. And don't be afraid to settle for a B+. Less really can be more. If you watch Gilmore Girls Gilmore Girls is an American television drama/comedy created by Amy Sherman-Palladino and starring Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel. The series premiered on The WB on October 5, 2000 and ended on May 15, 2007, with its seventh season, which aired on The CW Television Network. , you know that Rory and Paris both wind up at Yale, but only Paris is a stress mess. If she sought your advice, what would you tell her?
Dear Carol,
I have a crush on my social studies teacher. I want to be with him but know I probably can't because it can get both of us into a lot of trouble. But every time he talks to me or comes close to me, I go crazy. I feel like I want to just grab him and kiss him. Should I make a move or move on?
Make a Move
Dear Move,
Student-teacher crushes are common. Lots of girls spend study hall comparing notes on cure teachers rather than civics civics, branch of learning that treats of the relationship between citizens and their society and state, originally called civil government. With the large immigration into the United States in the latter half of the 19th cent. . It's normal to feel attracted to someone you stare at 40 minutes daily. But it'd be a huge mistake to act on those feelings. Should you make a move? No way! It would backfire big-time, and such a relationship is completely inappropriate--and illegal! Seek a Valentine among students, not faculty. Who sits behind you in history? Ask him about the fall of Rome ... or what's up this weekend.
Dear Carol,
I'm 13, and I've been thinking about making out with my boyfriend--but I'm not sure if I should, I really like him, but I'm afraid I'll get into trouble or something. Should I do it? What age would be appropriate? At what age do most people do it?
Unsure
Dear Unsure,
It's not so much an age thing as a relationship thing. It's never a good idea to rush into intimacy. Getting way too physical way too fast does get gifts and guys into trouble (think pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases Sexually transmitted diseases
Infections that are acquired and transmitted by sexual contact. Although virtually any infection may be transmitted during intimate contact, the term sexually transmitted disease is restricted to conditions that are largely ). Even kissing before you both feel comfortable can lead to things you're not ready for and, if someone is indiscreet in·dis·creet
adj.
Lacking discretion; injudicious: an indiscreet remark.
in , hurtful hurt·ful
adj.
Causing injury or suffering; damaging.
hurt
ful·ly adv.
hurt rumors. I don't know of any documented study about an average makeout age, but you are definitely not behind! Since you took the time to ask me the question, however, my hunch hunch
n.
1. An intuitive feeling or a premonition: had a hunch that he would lose.
2. A hump.
3. A lump or chunk: "She . . . is that you're not really ready to get closer to your boyfriend, which is absolutely fine. What's not fine is to let a guy or your peers pressure you into doing something sooner than you should. Who knows? Your boyfriend also may be more comfortable waiting a little longer. And waiting will make the eventual kiss even more special.
Carol Weston is the author of the new With Love From Spain, Melanie Martin; The Diary of Melanie Martin; and Melanie Martin Goes Dutch (Knopf); as well as For Teens Only; Girltalk; and Private and Personal (HarperCollins). Hey Web site is melaniemartin.com You can write Carol c/o Girls' Life Girls' Life (ガールズライフ Gāruzu Raifu , 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21214. For a reply, be sure to include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Carol is sorry she can't answer every question personally.
I've been going to parties where there is drinking. I don't want to drink, but I don't know Don't know (DK, DKed)
"Don't know the trade." A Street expression used whenever one party lacks knowledge of a trade or receives conflicting instructions from the other party. what to say when people offer me alcohol.
Too Much Peer Pressure
Dear Too Much,
Here are three things you could say: 1. "No, but thanks." 2. "I don't like the taste." 3. "It gives me a headache." No one who cares about you will like you more if you drink. Amazing a·maze
v. a·mazed, a·maz·ing, a·maz·es
v.tr.
1. To affect with great wonder; astonish. See Synonyms at surprise.
2. Obsolete To bewilder; perplex.
v.intr. but true. In tact, lots of kids will admire you lot not drinking. And some would worry if you were to get drunk to become intoxicated.
See also: Get . So, just casually and comfortably be line with club soda. You're smart, and you're not alone. I receive lots of letters like yours.
Dear Carol,
None Of my boyfriends ever take me seriously or trust me because I'm a "big flirt." What should I do?
Flirt
Dear Flirt,
Should you tone down the flirting? Being overly flirtatious flir·ta·tious
adj.
1. Given to flirting.
2. Full of playful allure: a flirtatious glance.
flir·ta can get you a reputation and put off the guy you like most. Actions have consequences, so figure out how you can have fun flirting a little--without giving guys mixed signals.
Dear Carol,
I am a twin, and my twin sis is my best friend--I do everything with her. I love her, but it's hard to be my self and have my own friends. How can I be just me?
Not Just A Twin
Dear Not Just a Twin,
Your mixed feelings are 100-percent natural. Your twin sister might occasionally wish for a little independence too, while also recognizing how great it is to have a built-in BFF BFF Best Friends Forever (chat)
BFF Best Foot Forward
BFF Ben Folds Five (band)
BFF Born Free Foundation
BFF Binary File Format
BFF Boston Film Festival
BFF Biotech Finance Forum (and someone to swap clothes, makeup and earrings). Can you and your twin talk about this? It's not a betrayal to figure out who you are and make separate friends. Can you two get different jobs, paid or volunteer? Or babysit for different families? At school, join separate sports or clubs. Think about your strengths and interests, and how you and your twin aren't alike. Being a twin is great but does come with extra challenges.
Dear Carol,
My friend got suspended because she plagiarized pla·gia·rize
v. pla·gia·rized, pla·gia·riz·ing, pla·gia·riz·es
v.tr.
1. To use and pass off (the ideas or writings of another) as one's own.
2. stuff from the Internet. The thing is, I don't think she even realized that it's wrong. What do you think?
Confused
Dear Confused,
Many kids are unclear about what's cheating and what isn't. Too many students think that if you type "Harriet Tubman" into a search engine, you can just do a cut-and-paste job A cut-and-paste job is a form of attack on a perceived opponent in some public controversy. It consists of selectively quoting the opponent's words, out of context, and/or in misleading juxtaposition to each other in order to leave the impression that the subject has said something that and call it your history paper. Wrong. While it's line to do research online, it's essential to do your own writing and cite sources. I'm sorry your friend learned about academic integrity the hard way. Plagiarism--copying someone else's writing word for word--whether from a textbook or off a Web page, is flat-out wrong!
Dear Carol,
My BFF has been wearing really tiny skirts, and I swear you can always see her butt from the back. She says she can wear what she wants, but I say she's sending the wrong message. She used to hate seeing girls in too-short skirts!
Message Reader
Dear Message Reader,
People can and do judge others by how they dress, and every day we choose how to present ourselves. Can your friend wear whatever she wants? Yes, if it's OK with her parents. Unless she wants to change, you probably can't give her a makeover. But you can say something to her about it. Is she flipping through a magazine and raving about a microscopic skirt? Point out that she used to make fun of skirts that short. Maybe she'll change. Or maybe your friendship will change. For now, it's great that you're not whispering about her but, instead, talking to Noun 1. talking to - a lengthy rebuke; "a good lecture was my father's idea of discipline"; "the teacher gave him a talking to"
lecture, speech
rebuke, reprehension, reprimand, reproof, reproval - an act or expression of criticism and censure; "he had to her.
Dear Carol,
I was really close to my grandma. But when my grandpa died, she went and got married almost right away. I'm rally mad. What should I do?
Runaway Grandma
Dear Runaway Grandma,
I'm sorry your grandfather died, but find it in your heart to realize your grandmother was lonely and was lucky enough to find love again. Just as your grandma isn't betraying her late husband by remarrying, you would not betray your granddad by befriending this new relative. I rope you can find something likeable like·a·ble
adj.
Variant of likable.
Adj. 1. likeable - (of characters in literature or drama) evoking empathic or sympathetic feelings; "the sympathetic characters in the play"
likable, appealing, sympathetic about your new step-grandfather.
Dear Carol,
A lot of people think I'm annoying and don't like me for who I am. I have my own style, and nobody can change that! How can I convince them I'm just being myself? Also, whenever people get mad at me, I don't really know how to handle it. usually cry for a while, then just avoid them until they talk to me.
Contused con·tuse
tr.v. con·tused, con·tus·ing, con·tus·es
To injure without breaking the skin; bruise.
[Middle English contusen, from Latin contundere
Dear Confused,
I'm all for individuality, but rather than trying to convince people you're just being yourself, figure out how to be your best self without alienating others. Is there something specific you do that rubs people the wrong way? Something you can change without compromising your values? For instance, if you tend to interrupt or come on too strong, work on that. Relax, and ask thoughtful questions ("How was your weekend?" "Have you seen Chasing Liberty?" "How'd the game go?"). Be friendly to different girls and guys. As for anger, if you're in the right, defend yourself ... calmly. Say, "I'm not sure why you're mad at me, but I'd like to talk about it." If, however, you know precisely why someone is angry (you stood her up or spread a rumor), instead of hiding, say. "I understand why you're upset. I don't blame you, and I'm really sorry."
Dear Carol,
I've always been a perfectionist but, recently, it's gotten pretty bad. I am a freshman, and I have freakishly freak·ish
adj.
1. Markedly unusual or abnormal; strange: freakish weather; a freakish combination of styles.
2. Relating to or being a freak: a freakish extra toe. perfect grades, I slave ridiculously over homework, often staying up far later than should. I also overload myself with an insane amount of extracurriculars, like swim team and piano. This situation is completely self-inflicted, because my parents don't ever push me to do anything I am just a competitive overachiever o·ver·a·chieve
intr.v. o·ver·a·chieved, o·ver·a·chiev·ing, o·ver·a·chieves
To perform better or achieve more success than expected.
o . My family doesn't think I need professional help, but how can I get
Stressed Out
Dear Stressed Out,
Hmm, rather than getting control of yourself, I hope you can loosen the reins a bit. Your goal, after all, shouldn't be perfection, but to feel happy and balanced--to do good things but still be good to yourself. As for getting professional help, therapy often works best on people who are young, bright, motivated and articulate, and you don't have to be in crisis to benefit from it. If your school has a psychologist, guidance counselor guidance counselor Child psychology A school worker trained to screen, evaluate and advise students on career and academic matters or health teacher, talk to that person or ask for a referral. Meantime, give yourself the "homework" of scheduling fun times with friends and catching up on sleep. Think about dropping the extracurricular activity you enjoy least. And don't be afraid to settle for a B+. Less really can be more. If you watch Gilmore Girls Gilmore Girls is an American television drama/comedy created by Amy Sherman-Palladino and starring Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel. The series premiered on The WB on October 5, 2000 and ended on May 15, 2007, with its seventh season, which aired on The CW Television Network. , you know that Rory and Paris both wind up at Yale, but only Paris is a stress mess. If she sought your advice, what would you tell her?
Dear Carol,
I have a crush on my social studies teacher. I want to be with him but know I probably can't because it can get both of us into a lot of trouble. But every time he talks to me or comes close to me, I go crazy. I feel like I want to just grab him and kiss him. Should I make a move or move on?
Make a Move
Dear Move,
Student-teacher crushes are common. Lots of girls spend study hall comparing notes on cure teachers rather than civics civics, branch of learning that treats of the relationship between citizens and their society and state, originally called civil government. With the large immigration into the United States in the latter half of the 19th cent. . It's normal to feel attracted to someone you stare at 40 minutes daily. But it'd be a huge mistake to act on those feelings. Should you make a move? No way! It would backfire big-time, and such a relationship is completely inappropriate--and illegal! Seek a Valentine among students, not faculty. Who sits behind you in history? Ask him about the fall of Rome ... or what's up this weekend.
Dear Carol,
I'm 13, and I've been thinking about making out with my boyfriend--but I'm not sure if I should, I really like him, but I'm afraid I'll get into trouble or something. Should I do it? What age would be appropriate? At what age do most people do it?
Unsure
Dear Unsure,
It's not so much an age thing as a relationship thing. It's never a good idea to rush into intimacy. Getting way too physical way too fast does get gifts and guys into trouble (think pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases Sexually transmitted diseases
Infections that are acquired and transmitted by sexual contact. Although virtually any infection may be transmitted during intimate contact, the term sexually transmitted disease is restricted to conditions that are largely ). Even kissing before you both feel comfortable can lead to things you're not ready for and, if someone is indiscreet in·dis·creet
adj.
Lacking discretion; injudicious: an indiscreet remark.
in , hurtful hurt·ful
adj.
Causing injury or suffering; damaging.
hurt
ful·ly adv.hurt rumors. I don't know of any documented study about an average makeout age, but you are definitely not behind! Since you took the time to ask me the question, however, my hunch hunch
n.
1. An intuitive feeling or a premonition: had a hunch that he would lose.
2. A hump.
3. A lump or chunk: "She . . . is that you're not really ready to get closer to your boyfriend, which is absolutely fine. What's not fine is to let a guy or your peers pressure you into doing something sooner than you should. Who knows? Your boyfriend also may be more comfortable waiting a little longer. And waiting will make the eventual kiss even more special.
Carol Weston is the author of the new With Love From Spain, Melanie Martin; The Diary of Melanie Martin; and Melanie Martin Goes Dutch (Knopf); as well as For Teens Only; Girltalk; and Private and Personal (HarperCollins). Hey Web site is melaniemartin.com You can write Carol c/o Girls' Life Girls' Life (ガールズライフ Gāruzu Raifu , 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21214. For a reply, be sure to include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Carol is sorry she can't answer every question personally.
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